I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
