You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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