seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
