Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
