There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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