Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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