U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
