Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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