I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Ladies don't puke and tell
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
