dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
