dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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