I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
