hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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