i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
