Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
