His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
