): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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