well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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