just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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