He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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