Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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