Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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