She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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