Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
