So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
