..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
True but thats because hes a fetus.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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