My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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