all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
There r osticjed everywhere
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
