So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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