walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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