one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
