i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
