You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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