Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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