How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize