What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
