I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
