Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
