i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
