i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
