i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Your penis caused this!
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