also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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