Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize