That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
