just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
