the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
