I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
