Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
