Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
