She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
