its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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