Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
