Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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