smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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