im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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