maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
