I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
there's paper in my vomit.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
