I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
