you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
