Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
