No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize