I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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