I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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