I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
