my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize