He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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