Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize