If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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