It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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