he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
