Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
