Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
