JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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