how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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