Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
